TEST YOUR ACHITY!!!!

1/ If in a fish shop without cash, having ordered fish, do you :
a. Cry
b. Block your ears
c. Take a hostage

2 / What happened to Alf?
a. He choked on a cat
b. He moulted
c. He got flattened by Billy the Mountain, a well known communist's husband

3 / Who invented ashtrays?
a. Mr. Ash
b. Mr. Tray
c. No-one, they're organic

4/ What is a Scaperon?
a. A little needle used mainly for spider surgery
b. A hand-held shovel for sorting meal at want
c. A very big animal

5/ At the moment there is serious bondage and whipping going on in :
a. The White House
b. The Isle of Man
c. The parlour

6 / Manx people are :
a. From Manx City
b. Calmer than you are
c. Fond of wooden shoes

7/ If someone says "Take me to your leader, please!", do you :
a. Take him/her/it to your leader
b. Say "I really appreciate that!"
c. Slip into something more comfortable

8/ Charles De Gaulle became :
a. An airport
b. A bus stop
c. A corpse

9/ Are dead fish :
a. Buoyant
b. Seen to by their friends
c. Calmer than you are

10/ Hopscotch was invented by :
a. The Huns
b. Early Christians
c. The Nazis

11/ How do jellyfish mate ?
a. They don't, they're made by Nestlé
b. They are cloned by perverts
c. They are gobbed by whales

12/ Switzerland is famous for :
a. Cuckoo clocks and fucking Toblerones
b. Its toilet seats
c. A total absence of facial hair, be it amongst men or women

13/ Winston Churchill :
a. Used his mouth to carry cigars
b. Carried his friends' cigars in his mouth
c. Is a certain president's hero

14/ Who gave a bad name to the word "Mob"?
a. The residents of Springfield
b. Mob Dick
c. Al Capone's mother

15/ How ridiculous is the name Gepeto?
a. Fairly
b. Very
c. Very very

16/ Slander is :
a. A country
b. A brand of slingshot
c. A form of snow sport

17/ Doors :
a. Stop you from entering a place
b. Slow you down on the way into (or out of) a place
c. Sing songs about their cock

18/ MMW stands for :
a. Malcolm McWhitaker
b. Tamara Clark Speedboard
c. Main Multiple Weener, Weener

19/ Curling was originally :
a. A naive way of ironing clothes
b. An amusing housekeeping technique
c. A primitive method of telecommunication

20/ Alexander Graham Bell was in fact :
a. Called Nobby Dobby Flandergramm, and thus was not Scottish
b. Gave tooth lessons for cash
c. The Dundee table tennis champion long before you were ever even thought of, and was calmer then than you are now

21/ After his downfall Richard Nixon :
a. Became a jockey
b. Became incontinent
c. Invested in Betacam for obvious reasons

22/ Thrift is :
a. A high speed gear
b. A type of lobster
c. Located in California

23/ Aristophanes was :
a. A brand of ice cream
b. A disease of the foot
c. The Phoenecian police

24/ Candy floss :
a. Should be banned
b. Is a cover for something else
c. Makes you randy

25/ In numerology 511 means :
a. Bigger than 9
b. You will soon meet a small man in a lift
c. How's your uncle Ernie ?

26/ If Cleopatra had been called Marypatra she :
a. Would have been thrown in a bog twice
b. Would never have become a perfumed soap
c. Would have become a drunken liar

27/ In politically correct language, globally challenged means :
a. You're fat
b. Your life is fucked
c. You can't open an atlas

28/ Shepherd's pie is so called because :
a. It's named after a famous Welsh spy
b. There's a shepherd in it
c. It was a spelling mistake

29/ Volcanoes :
a. Always get the nice chicks
b. Are just angry vommitting mountains
c. Are geological hangovers

30/ Oscar Wilde was once reported to have said :
a. It isn't the lemon that interests me, but the melon.
b. Syphillis – Schmiphillis !
c. If he wants to wear sideburns, let him wear sideburns, eh !